Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sex wars
I know the opening of this post may sound a bit sexist, but it’s not meant to be.
It’s just that I’m mystified why women take so long to work out that men don’t care about housework. Oh I know that we complain that they don’t do enough of it, but we still go on believing that they would really prefer a nice clean house if only they weren’t so lazy. The truth is that if we weren’t there, they probably wouldn’t do it, but we still feel we’ve done them a favour when we do it and expect them to be grateful.
Men do housework for several reasons: they’ll be nagged silly if they don’t; they can’t stand the guilt that hearing scrubbing noises gives them while they’re doing something more interesting, or because they have an unusually well developed sense of justice. But, they never do it because they’re ashamed of how dirty the windows look, because they’ve noticed the sheets are less than spotless or that someone’s just written their name in the dust on the furniture. They’re really not that bothered whether the house ‘looks nice’ or not.
So when I watch my teenage granddaughter getting her knickers in a twist because her older brother isn’t as appalled as she is by the state of the house when the grown ups are out, I just wish that she and every other young girl could learn the plain truth about boys early. You can make them do the housework, but you can’t make them care about it.
She’s recently added to her ‘it’s not fair’ list the fact that her brother is a slob. They each have a minimal quota of household chores, plus clearing up after themselves and their friends, but she says she’s forced to do his share to stop the house becoming a tip and what’s worse, he doesn‘t even appreciate what she‘s done for him.
But do you think she’ll believe that the reason he can’t appreciate it is because, since he hasn’t even noticed that the house is a mess, still less care, he can’t see that she’s done anything for him? And will she believe that the answer is just to do her share and stop worrying about his because he‘ll do that when his Mum reminds him of the consequences of not doing it? Yes, it’s no to both.
It’s just that I’m mystified why women take so long to work out that men don’t care about housework. Oh I know that we complain that they don’t do enough of it, but we still go on believing that they would really prefer a nice clean house if only they weren’t so lazy. The truth is that if we weren’t there, they probably wouldn’t do it, but we still feel we’ve done them a favour when we do it and expect them to be grateful.
Men do housework for several reasons: they’ll be nagged silly if they don’t; they can’t stand the guilt that hearing scrubbing noises gives them while they’re doing something more interesting, or because they have an unusually well developed sense of justice. But, they never do it because they’re ashamed of how dirty the windows look, because they’ve noticed the sheets are less than spotless or that someone’s just written their name in the dust on the furniture. They’re really not that bothered whether the house ‘looks nice’ or not.
So when I watch my teenage granddaughter getting her knickers in a twist because her older brother isn’t as appalled as she is by the state of the house when the grown ups are out, I just wish that she and every other young girl could learn the plain truth about boys early. You can make them do the housework, but you can’t make them care about it.
She’s recently added to her ‘it’s not fair’ list the fact that her brother is a slob. They each have a minimal quota of household chores, plus clearing up after themselves and their friends, but she says she’s forced to do his share to stop the house becoming a tip and what’s worse, he doesn‘t even appreciate what she‘s done for him.
But do you think she’ll believe that the reason he can’t appreciate it is because, since he hasn’t even noticed that the house is a mess, still less care, he can’t see that she’s done anything for him? And will she believe that the answer is just to do her share and stop worrying about his because he‘ll do that when his Mum reminds him of the consequences of not doing it? Yes, it’s no to both.
