Friday, March 20, 2009
In which my mothering skills earn me nul points
I seem to have lost the habit of tucking away in the back of my mind anything I come across that might be useful for my blog, so lately I've had nothing to say. I’ve decided the way back is to try and write something every day – however small, however rubbishy. So, I apologise to my readers in advance if it sounds slightly bonkers and assure you I’m just practicing, but rather than a new pen, I’m breaking in my new mindset.
I’ve recently blotted my copybook in the good motherhood department, thereby depleting the store of goodwill I’d built up. So if you don’t want to end up a Bad Mother like me, here are a few golden rules to remember:
Rule i
When one of your children gives you the heartbreaking news that his marriage is over and he has to leave the marital home, don’t make the mistake of thinking an offer of accommodation will soften the landing of his fall. When he describes the unendurable deprivation and humiliation that living with you entails, you may not recognise the house as yours - just accept that it is.
Rule ii
Don’t expect his talking about the problem necessarily to prove therapeutic. It can be as addictive as heroin and just as useless, so however many hours you spend in supportive and sympathetic listening, it will count for nothing once you suggest a change of conversation topic.
Rule iii
When you think his perspective is becoming somewhat skewed and his attitude to his wife increasingly extreme, don’t even think of trying to present another viewpoint. This is treachery pure and simple and will be punished by ex-communication.
Rule iv
And the most important: if you’ve had a few drinks when he wants to discuss ‘what’s right’, feign an appointment and go out. Otherwise when he tells you how disappointed he is that the family are still in contact with his wife, you may feel obliged to point out that if he weren’t so bent on punishing her, he’d realise our priority is their four year old daughter, and should be his too.
Ah motherhood - if only you could pack it in and take up something else when you made a mess of it.
I’ve recently blotted my copybook in the good motherhood department, thereby depleting the store of goodwill I’d built up. So if you don’t want to end up a Bad Mother like me, here are a few golden rules to remember:
Rule i
When one of your children gives you the heartbreaking news that his marriage is over and he has to leave the marital home, don’t make the mistake of thinking an offer of accommodation will soften the landing of his fall. When he describes the unendurable deprivation and humiliation that living with you entails, you may not recognise the house as yours - just accept that it is.
Rule ii
Don’t expect his talking about the problem necessarily to prove therapeutic. It can be as addictive as heroin and just as useless, so however many hours you spend in supportive and sympathetic listening, it will count for nothing once you suggest a change of conversation topic.
Rule iii
When you think his perspective is becoming somewhat skewed and his attitude to his wife increasingly extreme, don’t even think of trying to present another viewpoint. This is treachery pure and simple and will be punished by ex-communication.
Rule iv
And the most important: if you’ve had a few drinks when he wants to discuss ‘what’s right’, feign an appointment and go out. Otherwise when he tells you how disappointed he is that the family are still in contact with his wife, you may feel obliged to point out that if he weren’t so bent on punishing her, he’d realise our priority is their four year old daughter, and should be his too.
Ah motherhood - if only you could pack it in and take up something else when you made a mess of it.
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Worry not. Parenthood duties should officially end when child reaches 21 or graduation, whichever is the earlier, except in the case of physical or mental handicap.
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